Monday, 3 August 2015

On being 'That child free couple'

It happened again last week, whilst visiting a family’s elderly relative the son (who I’d probably met 6 times for a total of about half an hour) asked me ‘are your children still at home’.
This happens to me a lot, I’m 42, have been married 16 years (in Sept) and so it is assumed we have children.
When I reply that actually we don’t have any children there’s usually a couple of seconds silence which is then filled with them saying one of two things. They will either assume I need their approval by saying, ‘oh well I think that’s great, it’s up to you what you do with your life’. Or they will ask why. Like it’s any of their business and I need to give a valid reason. Or sometimes there’s an awkward ‘oh’ then a silence in which I think they wait for me to explain myself.
The truth is we don’t have a reason other than the fact that we never felt the need. The biological urge to reproduce never came. More important than the fact that we chose not to have children is the fact that we never actually chose to have any.
I’ve heard it all. I’m selfish for not reproducing. We’ll be lonely when we are old, we don’t know what we are missing. Can you imagine if I said what I was thinking, that actually being around them and their off spring for more than 10 minutes or listening to them moaning about the lack of money, time, social lives, sleep, respect (when the kids get older) makes me want to scream. (Or scoop my uterus out with a spoon).
Being the age we are now has it’s advantages in that people have now realised this is us, child free and content to be so.
There is a difference to being child less to being child free. We are definitely the latter, there is nothing 'less' about the life we are having.
“Being child free sucks….the only thing we ever get to do is whatever the hell we want.”


  1. People can be so rude about child bearing. We had one and were done, but everyone insisted we had to have more. We loved having one, she went off to college when we were still in our 30's and we've been one our own ever since. Loved having her, love having her grown.

  2. We have friends that don't want kids and people can't get over it. I'm jealous of their freedom ;) Love your quote at the end!!!! It's so true!!

  3. Years ago I read this book called "Complete Without Kids" ( and it was SO GREAT. Seriously. Don't feel guilty. I think it's great when someone knows that kids aren't for them. And this is coming from someone who has 3. Seriously check out the book, I think you'll enjoy it.

  4. I knew from the age of about 12 or 13 that I definitely never wanted children, people spent years telling me I'd change my mind when I got older. I knew I wouldn't, but they wouldn't believe me.
    I'm not sure if people think we're freaks - or whether they're secretly jealous of us for knowing our minds and sticking to it and the freedom it gives us.
    When someone asks me whether I have children I tell them very directly that I have never wanted them and would much rather have a puppy.
    We don't go up to people and ask "Why on earth do you have children?" so what gives them the right to question our choice.

  5. I don't get why having children has to be expected. I want to have kids now, but there was a period when I was adamant I never would. It's a choice, not an obligation. Not something to be judged, pitied, or whatever else. Ugh.

  6. Oh yes I know how you feel. But I am not only childless... but single as well! I've had the looks of pity and patronizing comments. I must surely be a lesbian or a social misfit? Errr no! I never met a bloke that I wanted to marry and I wouldn't have a child on my own as I happen to think it is selfish. Why couples/singles choose not to have children is no one's business but their own. I bet your husband doesn't get questioned, it is usually only women. Some people are ignorant. Great post. x

  7. Visiting from Authentic Bloggers

    I grew up only wanting kids, and it was something that I expected for my future to be as a kid.

    but I do not judge nor do I question why people make the choices they do. I love having Sophie, but of course it can be tough having a kid when we want to just get away.

    liz @ sundays with sophie

  8. Yep. Izzy and I are about 95% set that we won't have kids. I'm actually about 99% set and I think there's just 1/2% of me that fears I'll regret it and 1/2% that wants to give into society (which is ridiculous). Izzy would be a great dad and I think he'd love having kids but I know he also realizes at this point in are life it's not possible and either way he's okay with what happens.

    And to be honest, working in customer service all day kind of makes me hate kids. And parents. I'm so over children running all over the place and parents who do NOTHING. Why would I want to raise kids in a world where there's absolutely no discipline. And if I believe in discipline I'm a bad, horrible person. It's just sad.

    And it is absolutely no one's business why someone would choose not to have a child. What if you ask that and it's because the couple CAN'T? Good can of worms you've opened up there. Or when I was married the first time (and going through a my divorce) and someone asked when the nearly ex and I would have kids. So then I had to explain never because we were splitting up. So awkward!

    Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird